NFL players don’t set the amazing fashion tone that their NBA counterparts often do, but at times they do make statements in their own special way. Their post-game ensembles can be memorable, embarrassing, or something straight out of a cartoon, and, not surprisingly, it’s usually the franchise quarterback leading the charge. And most of the time, sitting at the top of the mountain is Tom Brady.

Week 5 happened to be one of those cases.

Tom Brady

When Tom Brady isn’t throwing touchdown passes and quieting the doubters, he lives inside a J. Crew catalog. But what, exactly, is this? Is it just another extravagant sweater or is it some hoity-toity bathrobe from the Winthorpe collection? Is it possible that this is some sort of bizarre sweater-onesie, and upon completion of the press conference, Tom will hop directly into his bunk bed with a bowl of ice cream and Gisele? Does it also have a hood? So many questions with so much football left to play.

Eli Manning

Eli Manning is always an easy target because he’s naturally goofy. I mean, just look at this guy. Sure, his hair always looks like it was combed by his mother, but it suits his pleasant personality. Imagine if he attempted to be hip and stay up on trends? Even something as simple as Eli with a faux hawk and a muscle tee might break the internet. We are all safer, including Eli, when he stays in his lane.

Cam Newton

Save for the capris and loafers debacle of Week 4, Cam Newton always steps up to the podium in style. If cameras can commit to remaining at this angle the rest of the way, we’ll never need to know that he’s wearing Spanx and Uggs on his lower half.

Joe Flacco

Joe Flacco is basically a caveman, but he is our caveman. No matter where this guy goes, Flacco Face is an inevitable occurrence. And this, this, is an amazing Flacco Face. Just look into those eyes. This is a man who is about to order 15 cheeseburgers at a McDonald’s drive-thru and then go home and stare at a wall while stoically taking down each burger.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Kyle Orton

There’s a scene in Seinfeld where Jerry is trying not to be funny but Elaine and George still find him funny. That’s Kyle Orton in a nutshell. All he has to do is stand there. In this particular instance, he looks like he was forced to dress up for a wedding and is simply biding his time before open bar leads to whiskey-soaked debauchery. Living legend.

Christian Ponder

Look, Christian Ponder is not a very good quarterback. On Thursday night against the Packers, he went 22–44 for 222 yards and two picks, and was also sacked six times. Sounds like a blast. However, the dude clearly gets it when it comes to looking smooth at the podium, and his wife — Sam Ponder — is drop-dead gorgeous. And while Vikings are struggling at 2–3, Christian Ponder is undefeated at life.

Matthew Stafford

No, that’s not a dip in Matthew Stafford’s mouth. This is the Lions QB responding to a question. Whenever a player pushes out their bottom lip while sticking their index finger in their ear as they craft a response, it’s safe to assume things in general are “a little shaky.” Best to take that answer with a healthy grain of salt. On the bright side, from a fashion standpoint, Stafford is back to his natural “life as a bro” look, which is great to see.

Brian Hoyer

It wasn’t looking good for the Browns yesterday, but they eked out an impressive comeback win over the Titans. But — and it’s a big but — Brian Hoyer’s shirt-tie-pocket square combo needs to be thrown into a blender and set to “mince” immediately. Colossal fail.

Charlie Whitehurst

Charlie Whitehurst is not in Tennessee to steal anyone’s quarterbacking job, he’s there to steal everyone’s wife. Accidentally, of course. The guy can’t help his natural magnetic charm. What a showman. When he’s not playing football, Whitehurst reportedly serves as the most reliable member of Dalton’s security team at the Double Deuce.

Jake Locker

Arriving to the podium dressed as the guy in the bar who insists on discussing his fantasy football team with strangers and who frequently yells at the television screen is not the ideal way to present yourself. Jake Locker looks like he’s a mere seconds away from getting into a heated confrontation over some chick in a Steelers jersey. I trust that there will be at least a few columns today analyzing Locker’s inexcusable backwards hat, and how it might translate to future losses.

Jay Cutler

Good lord, look at that tie! Is that a sock? Get yourself together, Cutler.

Peyton Manning

I’m generally against stripes on a tie battling against another pattern, but the shirt is light enough to make Peyton’s look acceptable. Plus, the jacket is tremendous and he threw his 500th career touchdown pass yesterday. Peyton could’ve worn a full Papa Johns getup — complete with embarrassing headset — and no one would’ve dared to question it.

Philip Rivers

I have but one question: Where the hell is the bolo tie, dude?

Colin Kaepernick and Sams

These joint press conferences with Kaepernick and Frank Gore are flat-out awesome. Kaep typically kicks things off by himself — awkwardly, I might add — and then Sams joins in and brings the realness. Yes, even with the league ban, those are Beats by Dre headphones with the logo covered up, because Colin Kaepernick is the man, is the man, is the maaaaaaan.

Bonus Photo…

It was not a bathrobe after all! Nonetheless, Tom Brady is basically the modern day version of Paddington Bear.