QB Postgame Fashion: The Good, The Bad, And The Awkwardness

Published in

The Cauldron

6 min readDec 1, 2014

Sorry boys, Tom Brady was dressing for keeps this week.

Football players rarely meet the unusual fashion sensibilities of their needle-moving NBA counterparts, but from time to time they do make fashionable statements all their own. And, much like anything else, many of them are improving with time. As always, though, Tom Brady is entrenched atop Mount Fashion, haughtily laughing at his counterparts.

If you happen to be looking for the clowns who played on Thanksgiving — like Tony Romo and his prized XXXXL jacket — that glowing critique can be found here.

And good news! No more BYE weeks means no more absentee characters.

Tom Brady

Losing 26–21 in Green Bay had to hurt — as evidenced by Brady’s spastic triple f-bomb — so the dashing QB made damn sure no one had a chance of winning at the podium.

A finely tailored suit to go with a defiant “I’m still Tom Brady and you’re not” expression is exactly what needed to be dialed up after a crushing loss. You can knock Tommy down, but he will still get dressed up.

And yes, just a couple hours prior to his presser, this same man was being led around the field on a leash:

Philip Rivers

A huge win on the road in Baltimore means the return of the bolo tie for Philip Rivers and, in turn, happy faces across America. Even if you’re not a fan of the Chargers, you’ve got to admit that it’s somewhat enjoyable when San Diego wins a tight one.

What a wonderful psycho.

A People’s Eyebrow for the ages, indeed.

Matt Ryan

It’s clear what Matt Ryan is trying to do here with the trendy jacket, but I’m afraid it’s just never going to work. Matty Ice is your quintessential nice guy/dork, and always will be. It would be an awesome turn of events if he finally embraced that notion and wore overalls next week.

Aaron Rodgers

See, this is exactly my point about Matt Ryan. Aaron Rodgers doesn’t force the issue or bow to the whims of his publicist. Dude is just wearing a sweater and winning football games. There isn’t a quarterback out there more relaxed than Mr. Rodgers.

Peyton Manning

We’re going wide on this one, folks, because this suit is an unmitigated disaster. A pin-striped jacket, a multi-colored striped tie and a square-pattern shirt? Not to mention a tie knot slightly larger than a mini Gobstopper. What in the hell is Peyton Manning’s problem?

Drew Stanton

This is Cardinals quarterback Drew Stanton. Drew Stanton does not warrant a podium. The singular reason for including him in this space is so people outside of Arizona know that this is, in fact, Drew Stanton.

Johnny Manziel

Johnny Football didn’t start the game, so perhaps he didn’t pack a showstopping outfit? Highly doubtful, but whatever. A black Nike sweatshirt is certainly not going to cut it if Johnny gets the starting nod next Sunday. The people demand — at the very least — a fur coat, sunglasses, and roller skates.

Kyle Orton

The casual look seems to suit Orton far better than that used car salesman getup we’ve seen more than a few times, but who are we kidding? Kyle Orton is here because he’s awesome no matter what he does.

Now everyone wave to Kyle. Hi Kyle!

Andrew Luck

Andrew Luck walks to the beat of his own beard, so sometimes that means his press conferences are conducted in a random hallway with some dude. And if the guy is never going to wear a suit, can we at least ask his beard to wear one?

Colt McCoy

It’s got to be eating away at RGIII that he’s lost his starting job to a junior in high school. Speaking of …

Robert Griffin III

Yup, just as I suspected. I’d have that same about-to-puke look too, buddy. Nice of RGIII to dress up, though. Most of us would be staggering to the podium in a bathrobe at this point.

Ben Roethlisberger

Big Ben adorned in 27 microphones. His best look yet.

Teddy Bridgewater

Teddy Bridgewater is a great example of a player continuing to make fashion strides with each passing week. But I just can’t get past the fact that, while he’s listed at 6'2, his podium presence makes it look like he might be 4'11.

Zach Mettenberger

Zach Mettenberger sports the demeanor of a teenager going through the worst stages of puberty, but who’s dressed like a guy going to play pool at a bar for the sole purpose of getting into a fight. Hell of an effort.

Andy Dalton

When you narrowly squeak by the freakin’ Bucs — thanks to Lovie Smith’s 12-men on the field trickery — this is what you look like. But a win is a win, and what soon follows Relieved Andy Dalton is Evil Andy Dalton.