The 1–8 Lakers are naturally down by 20 to the Warriors at home, and Laker loyalist Jack Nicholson has clearly seen more than enough.

It’s hardly surprising that the star of “The Shining” and “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest” sleeps with one eye open — after all, he eats breakfast 300 yards from 4,000 Cubans who are trained to kill him, so don’t think for one second that you can come down here, flash some wayward jump shots and keep him awake.

Actually, Jack’s filmography happens to be a rather apt guide to the ugliness of the Lakers’ current situation. Let’s check the list, shall we?

• The Departed: Speaks for itself on many levels, including those who left the game after the first quarter to go watch football.
• Something’s Gotta Give: Sorry, but some of us are having far too much fun watching this debacle for something to give.
• Anger Management: It’s going to get ugly. Kobe’s either going the Hit ‘Em Up route, or the Edward Norton berating a mirror routine, except his rant will be delivered to the entire city of Los Angeles.

• The Pledge: No one on the Lakers has made any kind of pledge this season other than to stay the fuck out of Kobe’s way.
• As Good as It Gets: We hope so. 1–81 would be amazing.
• The Evening Star: There has been no sign of an evening star. Good luck with that.
• Blood and Wine: Lots and lots of wine this season. Right, Jack?
• A Few Good Men: Of which there are none.
• Elephant’s Child: The emotional story of fan favorite, Carlos Boozer.
• Heartburn: A whole lot of heartburn. Poor Jack.
• The Postman Always Rings Twice: False. No one has done jack shit in the post, and that includes ringing twice.
• Goin’ South: Quickly.
• One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest: Kobe’s destiny, likely to occur before Christmas. Or perhaps on Christmas.
• On a Clear Day You Can See Forever: And today is not that day, folks.
• Hells Angels on Wheels: More like Hells Angels on heavy doses of Valium.
• Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea: The Lakers gave up 136 points tonight? Hilarious. Time to purchase a life jacket or two.
• Back Door to Hell: Bounce pass to hell, chest pass to hell, everything to hell.
• The Terror: The terror is all too real, man.
• The Broken Land: Broken everything.
• Bronco: Jack may very well be seen fleeing L.A. in O.J.’s old white Bronco. And soon.
• The Little Shop of Horrors: Pretty much.